Nothing, surely? It’s the first day of the final, and deciding, Ashes Test and the alliterative Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff is making his last test appearance for England.
So why not splash his picture across the front page of the paper?
Well, for a start he may be blonde and grinning but he’s not female - and he’s not holding a mystery envelope.
I was under the impression that on A-level results day it was a constitutional must that the Telegraph carry such a photo. Clearly the Will Lewis revolution continues apace…
Wait a minute, what’s this above the masthead? Phew!